The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize