And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
