you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
