Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
