can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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