I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
