What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
