She is in my trunk
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize