During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you inspire me to be a worse person
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
