We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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