Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
