Yo dont text me then not text me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
