Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just cut my nipple shaving
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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