a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
