FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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