i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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