Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
