i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize