Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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