someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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