Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
