I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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