I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
