how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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