Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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