We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
