kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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