oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
