I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
