My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
