he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
