I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
