You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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