I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
