I hate your face
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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