I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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