it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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