that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
