so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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