My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
