My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
