Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize