spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
