I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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