Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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