at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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