i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
