halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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