i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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