dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
