i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
