so that wasnt chicken after all
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
