Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
