There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
