FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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