when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
