Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
third nipple confirmed
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
