I met the friendliest cop last night
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
