He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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