someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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