Just cropdusted the office
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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