Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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