Ambien. No doubt about it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
