dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize