I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
