@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
