The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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