Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
