Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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