Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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