I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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