Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
