we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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