YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
