Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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