I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
