I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
