Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
