you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
