everyone is single if you try hard enough
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
