you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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