I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
