I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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