Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
do herpes really smell.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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