i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
