Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
