I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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