dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
