hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
