i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
