help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
