help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
