This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
