Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
