y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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