He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
