Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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