she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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