I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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