Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
