I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize