i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
