the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
