I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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